MANIFESTING YOUR FUTURE SELF
MANIFESTING YOUR FUTURE SELF; HOW TO COLLAPSE OLD TIMELINES, HEAL IMPRINTS, AND REPROGRAM YOURSELF by, Alexis E. Serrano-Camenzind
In this new realm of quantum possibility, your future self can be a thought and a belief away. However, if you have Development Trauma, C-PTSD or some other mental health issue related to unprocessed trauma, healing may be more than processing old feelings or calming down. It can also be about be about collapsing old timelines, processing, analyzing, unlearning and reprogramming automatic responses your future self no longer needs. To thrive we are being tasked with reprogramming survival patterns that no longer make sense for us. If our brains were computers it’s about deleting and rewiring the glitches, deleting old programming and uploading new software (beliefs, thoughts, and possibilities) that will allow you to create new realities and respond in fresh ways. Maybe you need to revaluate and re-arrange your priorities and values. If you are a complicated trauma survivor that experienced years of layered trauma in childhood and you’ve never had the chance to heal and process, you may still be bound to the past some places; responding to new present day situations with old knee jerk responses. As your spiritual journey and human experience unfolds in cycles, every 7 and 9 years you may face a new or repeated trigger or challenge. You will continue to attract through the law of attraction repeat experiences until you heal, clear and learn the lesson that helps you evolve past the pattern or imprint. Each and every trigger is an opportunity to un-pack and process the memory and experience. Pay close attention to the experiences that catalyze a spiritual crisis that leaves you feeling existentially depressed, the kind of depression that makes you feel as if something deeper is off and missing. Meaning, purpose, and flow may also be temporarily unavailable at this time to help draw you inward. What you don’t want to do is spiritually bypass, “stuff”, or ignore what is happening. That will only prolong the experience and cause more discomfort and cause you to attract the experience again and again.
If you are someone that has been healing yourself for a length of time, yet still encounter periods that feel like your going backwards; don’t be disheartened. In the bigger scheme of things, you are only temporarily going backwards when you have outgrown a situation and are ready to make a quantum leap forward. It means all your hard work is working. This is a conscious ascension path many are on. Realize with every trigger that you’re revisiting a past situation to reprogram and process it. You’re going backwards to go forwards. This is a period for reflection, to revisit and analyze patterns to dismantle old stories and survival instincts at their root. So that you can understand very specifically what you are doing consciously or subconsciously, behaviorally, and emotionally that is keeping this pattern in place which may be drawing repeated painful and embarrassing scenarios to you. It’s a chance to clear the energy and change your frequency. Yes, this is why you may be struggling to manifest or align with a particular reality. This could be what is blocking you. A pattern is generally a set of beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors. Processing means to unlearn, to understand, to change beliefs or be made aware of new skills needed to be acquired to change future responses and outcomes. So much of my transformation over the last 7 years would not be possible, if I wasn’t only willing to learn many new things, but also face fears, change behaviors, and have the willingness to take an active role in my thinking and choice making. Healing a deep existential depression is not only about “ feeling” or releasing emotional memory, but that could be part of it. C-PTSD triggers for me have represented pockets of time where a part or parts of me is stuck mentally or emotionally. It’s a bizarre experience to wake up feeling age 41, feeling healed and whole and on top of the world, aligned in my positivity and mastery, and then to come crashing down vibrationally by an unforeseen event that triggers panic attacks, anxiety, terror and overwhelm and old childish behaviors. I can suddenly begin to feel whatever age I was that the pattern may have started or the age I became mentally and emotionally stunted. I have been heavily processing and unpacking two decades of trauma for two decades but began making progress when I took the time to dismantle and understand how a pattern or imprint even began. I have been healing and reprogramming myself consciously and proactively. Mostly because my life was at a stands still, I was going in circles, felt stagnant, and suffering greatly.
Unpacking and Processing the Past to Heal the Future
I have been in the process of unpacking a very painful and complicated imprint for the last month; truthfully for the last 6 months. An imprint of attracting aggressive and pathological females that I have allowed into my life, so that they can use, abuse, manipulate, and control me. A pattern that began early on in my life. The present day situation I manifested was deeply complex and acutely painful, a bullying experience could have been avoided but I needed to re-experience. I do attract healthy relationships but as I have had so many traumatizing memories of sadistic and violent abuse and bullying in childhood, I have struggled for years to completely heal this and to reprogram my reactions. The response pattern is a combination of learned helplessness, stockholm syndrome, and people pleasing. I was programmed early on in childhood to learn to love and feel sympathy for woman that I absolutely couldn’t stand and was terrified of. Not afraid, terrified. Woman whose past time and fun was about torturing, humiliating, and abusing me. Who were allowing me to be raped and molested, forcing me to eat vomit and treating me like a slave. They also had the power to convince outsiders that I was clinically schizophrenic, to ignore anything I ever said, and encouraged others to bully and humiliate me. The list of horrors and crimes they committed are very long, the point I am trying to make is to show how deeply embedded and ingrained the patterns and imprint is. I learned to be complicit in my abuse, to beg for a shred of approval and love, and to remain silent. I learned to be passive, to people please, to make myself small and inferior. I was essentially conditioned to remain silent or defend myself, especially when it came to the most aggressive and intimidating types of people. It makes sense that I drew this experience to me now as I have finally aligned with the timeline where I have the awareness, skill set, availability, and resources in which to heal it. Things I have been putting in place over the previous 14 years. It’s the beginning of a new 7 and 9-year cycle for me. Your test, lessons and triggers may also come at important and powerful astrological events like eclipses.
You first start clearing this pattern and imprint by gaining awareness, by admitting that it exist, and then by working on improving you’re self worth, something that has improved tremendously in me. If you have P.T.S.D you may need help with this experience. There was a time I believed I deserved abuse and was worth less than others as I had internalized early in childhood all the hate some family members had for me. I have made tremendous progress deconstructing and unraveling those beliefs, overcoming my fears, using my voice and learning to be assertive around abusive men. I will be sharing more on those stories in a memoir. So, 6 months ago, I attracted a narcissistic client that would go on to bully, intimidate, betray and harass me. A woman that claimed to have supernatural powers that she would use to privately terrorize, intimidate, confuse, and control me during her sessions and to bully her way into getting 50 free hours of extra work out of me. I had been hired to help her with her energy and to ironically help her stop getting pushed around by an abusive psychopathic ex. From the beginning she told me she was sorry I had to deal with her and that she thought she was the psychopath, yet I decided to work with her, my first initial mistake. I remembering clearly feeling afraid of the woman that hired me to help her, but I dismissed those feelings. I was excited to have a client to work with and overlooked the warning signs. It was baffling for me when I started to look back at the events and listened to audio recordings, why I allowed this to continue to happen as I had so many chances to go “no contact, to peacefully disengage when numerous boundaries were crossed and she began becoming disrespectful and abusive. The entire experience went on for 5 chaotic privately exhausting and stressful months and came to a shocking end at the lunar eclipse. I was left devastated and in shock trying to cope with a plethora of uncomfortable emotions I had difficulty processing. Emotions like; shock, shame, fear, terror, anger, love, disbelief, disgust, horror, confusion, and no one could help me.
This particular repeating event, has manifested far more times than I care to admit, usually not this blatantly abusive. My problems with attracting abusive women first began with my schizophrenic mother that used to slap me and hit my head on the bathtub as a two year old, behaviors that got her placed in a mental health facility and that forced authorities to take my brother and I away. I lost my mother at age 3. An event so painful and agonizing, I began shoveling large quantities of food in my mouth as an infant to comfort myself. Even as a young child I was trying to self soothe. It was afterwards that I was abandoned by my father and sent to live in a house of horrors. Because my brain had not yet fully developed, I know I have been dealing my entire life, with not only C-PTSD but also Developmental Trauma. What is Developmental Trauma? In the first years of life, infants and toddlers need safe, predictable, accessible, and loving caregivers. In this environment the brain is able to develop in a healthy, normal sequence of growth. The brain develops from the bottom upward. Lower parts of the brain are responsible for functions dedicated to ensuring survival and responding to stress. Upper parts are responsible for executive functions, like making sense of what you are experiencing or exercising moral judgment. Development of the upper parts depends upon prior development of lower parts. In other words, the brain is meant to develop like a ladder, from the bottom up. When stress responses (typically due to consistent neglect or abuse) are repeatedly activated over an extended period in an infant or toddler, sequential development of the brain is disturbed. The ladder develops, but foundational steps are missing and many things that follow are out of kilter. Developmental trauma (DT) (or reactive attachment disorder) can manifest in a variety of ways — sensory processing disorder, ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, bi-polar, personality disorders (especially borderline personality disorder), PTSD, cognitive impairment, speech delay, learning disabilities, and more.
So after this event came to a painful climax, I sat there emotionally paralyzed and deeply depressed for 4 weeks. It felt like a demonic psychic attack. I booked numerous healing sessions with other healers but realized since they didn’t have a thorough understanding of the neurobiology of trauma and clearing imprints, that they would not be able to help me. One healer scolded me and told me that I was the co-creator and was making all this happen for a reason a statement that didn’t heal me or comfort me, but that reminded to go within. Like always I knew I needed to go within to help myself. The only way for me to go forward and align with my future self at times like this, I have been learning the last 7 years, is to go back in time. I had to go back and reflect on how my past was impacting me today and study each and every time I attracted this repeated event. This particular scenario of being manipulated, emotionally abused, and making friends with mean women has “played” out with frequency my entire life, it was no surprise that it showed up again. The lesson has tended to show up in the same context; usually in close personal friendships or family relationships, which makes so much sense considering who caused me the most traumas. That is what the last 7 years have been about for me. Clearing out and healing imprints, reprogramming and learning new skills. Every time I start to get close to making a frequency shift upwards; old patterns come knocking on the door. I knew the only way to really heal this imprint and put a stop to attracting this ridiculous scenario was tap into my Akashic Record and go back to when this imprint first began.  An imprint is a tear or scratch mark in our luminous energy field that is caused by unresolved psychological and spiritual traumas. Since this particular event first started in a timeline before I had even developed the ability to write, read, or form sentences, emotionally this event made me feel age 4. That was the first time I remember being bullied, abused and terrified, and deeply interrogated. Think about the skill sets you had at that age and imagine unpacking and learning to heal the response pattern of “ freeze and go silent” while being extensively harassed, bullied, and threatened by a group of powerful people that are also physically violent.
What made this response more complex is that the pattern evolved as the years passed. The bullies were probably no longer violent, but because of P.T.S.D I have had this knee jerk reaction every time I have been bullied by a intimidating female and still held the pattern of “ freeze and go silent” which is a quick way to get re-victimized. I now had to understand why a new pattern of “ please, act like a doormat, and be compliant” was added to the pattern. The way I responded to that same scenario of bullying and abuse changed, as I got older. As you can expect I was developing and learning new skills at the ages 7, 14, 21, 28, etc. so my responses also changed in slight variation. Every time I attracted a small instance of this my responses slightly changed and the imprint grew more complex, now tied to so many memories and emotions that created deeply congealed beliefs, thoughts, and biochemical responses. It was inevitable, that I would finally crash into a timeline where I had to heal this and really heal it at it’s root. Needless to say my old coping skills and spiritual techniques and tools weren’t bringing any relief, it was a very uncomfortable month. I needed to be in the past, in the present, in the future, in different dimensions and timelines to begin to dismantle and re-program once and for all this outdated survival response. I need to do much more than meditate, think positive, and clear my aura. I needed to cry a lot and get angry. I had to reimagine many ways I could have handled this differently. I also needed to revisit every instance this event had manifested to break down every sign and signal and cues that I might have missed. Turns out there were always red flags I had ignored, I was able to see how my freezing and being compliant behavior contributed to each scenario.
Nothing goes away or collapses until you can process unpack and reprogram it, trust me. It should be clear by now why that is. This initial trigger turned into a huge depression that was refusing to budge, until I really sat with the worst of the feelings, stopped running, stopped trying to do anything else, and started writing. I needed to study each event until I was able to see the patterns. The things I continued to do that were clearly not working. Study the signs I missed and study my responses and behaviors. Once I did, the depression started lifting and I felt a huge weight come off of me. I felt so grateful, grateful to have this new awareness that I didn’t have before. I now understood exactly why I continued to attract this repeatedly scenario; now with so much awareness it will be easier to avoid this. Although I may have more work to do to clear it from all layers of my aura. I guess this is why they tell you to love and be grateful for your enemies, in a sense they make you stronger and give you chances to heal, evolve, and get stronger. I can now see the role in unhealed trauma plays in passing forward abuse. Each new trigger is an opportunity to readjust, realign, and integrate but not if you run. If you quickly try to heal it or pretend it doesn’t exist, the lessons will only get louder. I have been doing extensive healing and recalibrating and reprogramming of myself for several years, the goods news is that every time I have put this kind of time and attention to other repeating circumstances and patterns when I learned what I needed to learn, I stopped completely playing out those old scenarios. I am consistently moving into new territory and I wasn’t for many years. My trauma cycles were on repeat for two unexamined decades.
Consider the next time your faced with a very painful and complicated trigger that brings with it a very deep depression that refuses to budge that there is something there to learn and study. Consider that this is the type of pain you don’t just let pass like a storm or meditate away. That should be the first clue for you that the type of pain your feeling has a message a code or many messages to unpack; because it will feel deeply complex. The second sign is that no amount of spiritual bypassing and mastery will work on eliminating it, especially if you are consciously trying to manifest a whole new reality that looks very different than what you started with in childhood. For those of you like me obsessed with self mastery, breaking patterns, re-parenting yourself and evolving to live your best life, consciously working towards co-creating your future self, that already know how to really master and breakdown difficult mindsets, problems, challenges, and scenarios-the pain and depressive episodes may need to get more painful to get through to an ego that feels it can handle anything and that knows everything. That is another deep awareness I gained this last time around; when you have been healing and transforming yourself with much success like I have for many years. There is a tendency to keep applying your old bag of tricks to each problem, what I continue to learn is that different problems require new tools and new skills sets. There is always something new to learn. realize that attracting new triggers doesn’t always mean your failing, it can mean you are aligning more clearly with your future self.
I highly recommend you try to go within and work through these trying times first on your own, do some reflection or writing. Practice mindfulness or meditation. Or you can work with a Trauma Informed Ascension Guide/ Quantum Energy Healer/ Re-programmer/ and Trauma Coach like myself. I have created a unique body of work combining numerous modalities that is helping trauma survivors to heal, find their voice, learn to listen to their intuition, re-program their beliefs, learn how to emotional regulate and unpack and process painful past events quickly so that you don’t have to miss work or other important life events. For anyone interested in helping other trauma survivors realize that you have to help them “ talk it out” and work through it multi-dimensionally but you may also need to help them calm down if they are triggered. Send energy healing to activate the vagus nerve or the parasympathetic nervous system so they will begin to “ feel better”. Simply getting them to hum or chant “ OM” can help. Understand the immense importance of being patient, emotionally safe, and kind. Once they understand what pattern is in place, what emotions this is tied to, what rewards this gives them they can start to shift it. Study all the beliefs and behaviors tied to their event so you can help them re-imagine it differently. Don’t expect to heal or clear this out in in one hour. I rely on my intuition and listen intently to what they are saying and take notes and record all my sessions so that we can come back to the work in sequential sessions. I’ve learned to work within my own Akashic Record and the quantum realm, because I could never find anyone that could help me the way I could help me. A belief may be changed quickly but collapsing a past timeline, clearing a deep imprint requires much more work. If you know yourself well you can be your own best healer. What can prolong these uncomfortable periods is to work with a person that doesn’t understand the quantum realm, the way the brain works, that doesn’t understand old trauma timelines, that doesn’t understand imprints and the many layers and connections it can be tied to. To turn to a healer that will shame you and not have an in depth understanding of what is happening to you or how to help you, is disheartening and could potentially re-trigger you. If they could only hold safe space, not judge, have some patience and send you love and help you unlearn the pattern, they might be able to actually help you integrate and process the experience in 5-6 sessions. Maybe remind them that talking is not always a helpful exercise when you are triggered. This is exactly the type of work I am doing with some of my clients that are struggling with the exact same situations. Helping them to clear their imprints and heal from traumas, so that they can ascend and step into creator consciousness.
If you are struggling with Development Trauma, C-PTSD or other symptoms of trauma please reach out and bookmark my site, join my Facebook Group, book a Free Session.
 Shaman, Healer, Sage, By Alberto Villardo Ph.D.
90 DAY CLIENT TESTIMONIAL
What was your overall opinion of the 90 -Day Program?
Overall, I felt that the 90-day program was intensive and covered a lot more than I had expected. I was afraid that 90 days would not be enough, but early on I realized just how much baggage I was unpacking and the skills and mindset that Alexis helped me build are not short-term. They aren’t to be mastered in 90-days, rather the time frame allows you to really build a foundation so that you remember the skills and mindset ideals so that if you falter or hit a roadblock, you know what you should do to help yourself. With what I was dealing with, the 90-day program was the right amount of time for me, whereas the 30- or 60-day programs would not have been.
From where you are started and where you left off can you see a difference in your energy levels, mood, and mindset?
Most definitely. I was very low-energy, consistently depressed or anxious, and felt helpless. I was not at my absolute lowest point in life, but I felt that I was heading back there and was not sure if I would be able to make it back to a good place if I did not seek help. After my program, I have more energy, a more positive outlook, and decreased anxiety attacks and depressive episodes. I am able to recenter myself and pull myself out of depression much quicker and I am more aware of my emotions, and most importantly, my body’s signals. I really never paid attention to what my body and my gut was telling me prior to working with Alexis and I truly believe that is THE MOST valuable ability I gained from working with her
5) Did you feel that what I was charging was fair for what you received?
Yes I did feel that the program was worth every penny. I think it would be nice to explore the ability to accept insurance, but regardless, what you are gaining from the program and the effect it has on you, plus the fact that you will have access to everything from your program for the rest of your life, makes the 90-day program worth the price. She is also willing to work with you with a couple of different payment plan options.
Would you recommend me to any of your friends? Would you be willing to leave me a public testimonial on Facebook? Yes, I already have recommended her and I am more than willing to leave a public testimonial anywhere.
Tara Skipper, Burlington, N.C